My eldest brother just died. I haven't been in contact with my family for some time, but this really affected me. The rest of my brothers are now calling my grief fake. This has made me enter a depressive phase, and it seems everything I say merely pisses everyone off more. I've chosen to stop saying anything. It makes me angry at them, but it makes me hate myself more. I just want to fucking off myself and be done with it. I don't deserve to exist.